You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
