When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
