Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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