I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I enjoy the company of your penis
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
