it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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