Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
