I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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