If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
