You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
