Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
