my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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