I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
