He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
