hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
