Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
