I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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