he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
