I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
