I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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