so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
