Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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