my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
