Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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