I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
