I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
