ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
