We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
