He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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