Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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