just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
