And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
