i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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