just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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