Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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