Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
