I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
