This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
