Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
