So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
