i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
