We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
