I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
