My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
That's intense
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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