Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
