i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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