Got a toothbrush?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
