Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
