guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Randomize
