after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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