its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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