his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
