When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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