and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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