she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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